National Masturbation Day

Blog For Free! Archives Home 2007 April 2005 February 2005 January 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2003 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September My Links My essay: The Immorality of Marriage The Onion SelectSmart Games to test your logic, faith, morality, and philosophical ideas! Tom Robbins Quotes Funny Name Analysis Bushisms Letters From the Earth by Mark Twain Why I Am Not A Christian by Bertrand Russell Life, Liberty, Logic Wasting My Time RedTigress's Blog Jimmytherighteous's Blog Octo6er's Blog Nivek's Blog Magicjoejoe's Blog Littlemrmahatma's Blog Kurtmaddox's Blog Winstonsmith's Blog Drforbush's Blog Juniperflux's Blog Iron Blog Religion! tBlog My Profile Send tMail My tFriends My Images Sponsored Blog Bookmark this site!

National Masturbation Day 02.14.04 (6:12 pm)   [edit] Alright, this just deserves a blog. Inspired by comments left on my blog (a few posts down: "'No sex allowed in the U.S."- Bush"), I am declaring today the first annual National Masturbation Day. Being Valentine's Day, an unholy holiday that encourages such blasphemous acts as love-making, it is only fitting. Credit for this wonderful idea must be given to "Me again:" [i]Just an idea: Why doesn't Bush start a worldwide masturbation fund program? Being such a professional jerk, he should know all about it. Hey, it'd fix both the issues of AIDS/abortions/etc and of uncontrollable sexual drive. Yep. No more copulation, no more fornication, masturbation on a grand scale is now the cool thing if you're a responsible citizen. Ok, Bush, let's all jerk off along with you.[/i] ... and Nivek: [i]Hmmm, what could we call it? How about: "National Day of Masturbation". And some slogans: "Just Say No to Sex"; "Masturbate and Live"; "Why date when you can masturbate”; “Don’t be a jerk. Just Jerk!”, and: “Use your head. Use your hands”. They can have this contrived TV commercial with a teenage woman and a baby, and how tough it is for her. And at the end of the commercial, the voiceover says: “Don’t let this happen to you. Brought to you by: The National Council on Masturbation”. Bush’s religion is obviously not separate from his policies. Maybe it’s time for him to have a “focus-group” on the US Constitution. We can't have controls and regulations on our lives and the choices that we make, or wish to make. Aren’t those “born-again” types, as Bush is, opposed to masturbation, also? Gee, I think I’d be hitting the bottle pretty hard! Hmmm, no sex, no masturbation, no nothing! How about no food, no water, no car, no sunshine, no friends, no music, no words, no rights, no freedom…[/i] So there you have it. In order to rid the world of AIDS, unwanted pregnancies, and STDs, as well as the awful disease of sex itself, it is only logical that we advocate masturbation and abstinence. So, happy Valentine's/Masturbation Day!   posted by: WinstonSmith (reply) post date: 02.14.04 (3:45 pm) Good idea. Might do Bush & Condi some good! Ho ho ho. Thanks, DragonBait22-- you always cheer me up! :) posted by: DragonBait22 (reply) post date: 02.14.04 (3:46 pm) Reply to: WinstonSmith Aww, thanks Winston. I do what I can. ;) Happy Valentine's Day. posted by: WhyNot (reply) post date: 02.14.04 (4:57 pm) Sounds good, but..... Does it mean we only jerk off once a year? Abstinence for the rest? Doesn't seem fair - Bush's jerking 24 hours a day. posted by: DragonBait22 (reply) post date: 02.14.04 (5:28 pm) Reply to: WhyNot Lol, no, this is just a celebration of masturbation. As with any other holiday, we can embrace the spirit of it for a one day celebration as well as continuing the celebration throughout the year. ;) Bush should be our role model, anyway... posted by: RedTigress (reply) post date: 02.14.04 (8:32 pm) haha posted by: therealspartacus007 (reply) post date: 02.14.04 (9:42 pm) Why have National Masturbation Day every year when we already have National Masturbation Hour every day? Or is that just me ;) posted by: CissieColpitts (reply) post date: 02.14.04 (10:11 pm) I thought national masturbation day meant that you do it in front of other people posted by: DragonBait22 (reply) post date: 02.14.04 (10:35 pm) Reply to: CissieColpitts Lol, well whatever you desire. Just as long as you don't have sex! ;) posted by: Nivek (reply) post date: 02.15.04 (8:47 pm) Reply to: DragonBait22 And a happy VM day to you, too! Your Name: Your Comment:

"Tragically, a nation that was created by intellectuals and visionaries has now been completely taken over by venal corporate gangsters, delusional Christian fruitcakes and hopelessly shallow Texas shit-kickers." -Tom Robbins