The fundamental problem of love is how to make it stay. There is obviously no clear solution to this problem, as there is no definitive explanation regarding the nature of love itself. Love varies from individual to individual and from each situation. Cultural differences, moral issues, and economic situations affect and often determine the nature of love. However, though we may not be able to scientifically define love, we can conclude a few things from what we do know of the nature of love, and how to make love stay.
Since Tom Robbins can say anything a thousand times better than myself, I'll quote from [u]Still Life With Woodpecker[/u]: "When the mystery of the connection goes, love goes. It's that simple."
Well, okay, that's not the most glamorous of Robbins quotes, but it will suffice. According to research by social psychologists, passion is the first quality to fade in a long relationship. The mystery of the connection, as stated by Robbins, is what feeds the passion. When passion starts to fade, love lingers in desparation, and soon fades away as well.
Let's throw in another quote by Robbins, this time from [u]Jitterbug Perfume[/u]: "The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being."
Well, that's great, isn't it? Being loved is integral in a relationship. An equal exchange of love and lust, passion and intensity, is necessary to ensure that love lasts. Surely it isn't that simple. If all it required was an equality in feelings of love within a relationship, more relationships would last, right? Well, I think it really is that simple, though simple may be a bit misleading. It is not simple to find someone who loves you the same amount that you love them. In fact, it's probably damn near impossible for the exchange to be absolutely equal. But the closer the level of intensity of feelings is, the more likely love will stay in a relationship.
I think a majority of people searching for love are in it for the wrong reasons, and that is what makes it incredibly difficult to find true, lasting love. Many people seem to be overly concerned with the prospect of having someone, that elusive solution to all life's problems- someone to share your life with. Though there's nothing really intrinsically wrong with this goal, it is not contributive to attaining love. Love requires patience, and there is a certain level of desparation in any attempt at forcing love. Trying to find love is adverse to actually having love. The best way to enter a relationship in the hopes of finding love is to be perfectly fine with not having love. To not feel the need to find love is to be ready for true love.
Another problem with the constant search for love, among women, at least, is that there is a tendency to place the responsibility on another person. Wanting to be saved or rescued is a dangerous thing. So many romantic stories have been infused in our culture that many people have such high expectations for their Prince Charming to come along. They want to be swept away. This is unrealistic, however. You must take the responsibility for yourself and accept that you can't count on anyone else.
While the problem of how to make love stay is not in any way an easily solved problem, there are ways to ensure that love is true enough to count on. The relationship most likely to survive is one in which love is as equally intense among partners as possible. This is not something that can be forced, and this is the nature of the problem. Attempting to force things, in any respect, tends to lead only to the opposite effect as that desired. In regard to love, attempting to force it is detrimental. This may not be a comforting assertion of the question of how to make love stay, but it is realistic, and it is also realistic to predict that there will never be an easy answer. The challenge of making love stay is perhaps what makes it so desirable.
I agree. Love comes best when you're not looking for it.
"Tragically, a nation that was created by intellectuals and visionaries has now been completely taken over by venal corporate gangsters, delusional Christian fruitcakes and hopelessly shallow Texas shit-kickers." -Tom Robbins
