The other day I was flipping through the channels and came across Dr. Phil, the topic was marriage. As you well know if you've read my essay or know me, I am against marriage. If you'd like to know my reasoning behind that, please read my essay (first link on the left) and feel free to leave comments here on it, especially if you can prove me wrong. Anyway, the main theme of the Dr. Phil show was women who are obsessed with the wedding, but not really prepared for the actual marriage. There was one girl who was 20 years old and a pre-Med. major planning on attending Med. school at about the same time she intended on getting married. Her mom was trying to convince her that she was too young and naive to think that she could get married and commence a life with another person while simultaneously attending school. The girl just wanted her mom to back off. I have to say, I was a little disappointed with Dr. Phil's advice to the mother and daughter. Basically, he told them to each consider the other's viewpoint for about 15 minutes and then discuss it rationally. That's it. Well, he gave the girl some statistics about how high the divorce rate is for couples who marry before age 25, but that was the extent of his advice. My thoughts on this would be if she really loved the guy and truly wanted to be with him for the rest of her life, the act of getting married could wait. They could still be together, just without the responsibilities and difficulties of marriage.
Granted, I am opposed to marriage, but I really don't understand the obsession with getting married. I suppose it is just such a culturally ingrained standard and people feel as though they are missing out until they are married. I don't know. But I know that few people feel the way I do, that love is more important than marriage (and is undermined by marriage), but I've never had anyone explain to me why they feel the way they do about marriage. The best argument for marriage I have encountered was while watching an episode of Dharma & Greg. For those unfamiliar with the show, Dharma's parents were unmarried, but stayed together regardless (eventually, they did get married, and I was highly disappointed when they did). Dharma said in one episode that, though her parents always told her that it was more meaningful that they stayed together without being married because they [i]chose[/i] to stay together each morning, she worried as a child that one morning they may not choose each other. At first glance, this is a good point, that it would be difficult for the child and cause them to worry about their parents leaving one another. However, once I thought about it, I realized that it's no different than how it is for a child whose parents are married, except that the child would not operate under the naive assumption that mommy and daddy will always be together because they're married. Divorces occur all the time, and generally only after prolonged difficulties within the marriage that affect the child/ren. Without marriage, it may cause a child to worry a little, but at least the love is true. That's much more important, to me anyway.
posted by: george (reply)
post date: 11.11.03 (7:37 pm)
I see what you mean by being together and not married. It does show that they "want" to be together. But in this country (USA) it's truly easy to get divorced for any petty little reason. So like you said, perhaps it's mostly a cultural thing. Perhaps it's just another reason to stay together when you've had a fight. I personally view it as a holy bond that's ended with death, so divorce is not an option with me. It's truly a show of love for one person to decide to spend the rest of their lives with another. No more I, just WE.
Reply to: george
Thanks for your comment. :)
Could you explain to me how it being a holy bond to you relates to true love? Is the act of marriage supposed to symbolize the union of two people in love, and that's what's so sacred about it? And if so, why is that necessary if it's truly about love? Thanks.
"Tragically, a nation that was created by intellectuals and visionaries has now been completely taken over by venal corporate gangsters, delusional Christian fruitcakes and hopelessly shallow Texas shit-kickers." -Tom Robbins
